The title of my third book in the Tellest series is “The Enemy Within” – it’s effective because I think everyone is their own worst enemy at certain points in time. Whether you attribute the lulls in your life to laziness, or social anxiety, there probably isn’t a person in this world that doesn’t step in their own way at some point.
For me, my biggest hurdle is depression. The form I have isn’t crippling. I’m not manic-depressive. I’m not chronically depressed. Sometimes, I just get a little down. Often, it’s only for a day or two, perhaps a week at most. But that one brief moment can make or break you in certain regards.
Every time I get hit by my depression, I feel this intense self-loathing in all of my creative outlets. I start wondering if I should give up on everything I’m doing: my books, the games, any other ideas that I might be ruminating on. They all suffer.
But here’s the thing. With the exception of that little slip here and there, I’m one of the most optomistic people you’ll ever see. I have seen the darker sides of things. Every day that passes feels like it’s brighter than the one before. It’s with that in mind that I’m able to push through that minor contrivance. I know that something better waits for me the next day, and that makes even the toughest days easier to deal with.
In some ways, I suppose it lends itself wonderfully to that old adage about keeping your enemy closest. There’s also that other one about knowing yourself. Coincidence?